What’s Really Inside My Purse

You know those magazine articles where they dump out a celebrity’s purse and tell you what’s “really” in it?

Theres a $34.00 tube of lip stain, an essential oil rollerball, a sweet little notepad for writing poetry on the go. And an organic flaxseed energy bar of course!

Want to know what’s in my purse?

Crumbs.

Receipts.

Half-chewed Chiclets.

A lollipop stick with the goo still on it.

Several packets of stale saltine dust, formerly known as crackers.

I’m sure there are some other useful things in there too, but mostly it’s just the crumbs.

If Michael Kors knew what his bags were really used for – holding used wipes, boogered tissues and quarters for mall rides – he’d be shaking his orange-spray-tanned head in disappointment.

When I opened the gift box from my aunt containing this Zac Posen bag, I swore I’d never taint it with anything foul.

I guess for a moment, I forgot I was a mom.

“Colt, Mommy wants to use her Zac Posen bag today, so I’m going to have to leave you at home.”

Needless to say, THIS is the inside of that bag now. (I wish you could see the bottom layer of crumbs and coins, but this photo only shows the topsoil.)

Oh the shame!!!

I wonder how celebrity moms with their essential oils and flax seed bars keep their purses so spruce.

Is the Nanny holding all the shit? Or are they just inherently more tidy.

At least my bag looks awesome from the outside.

All smooth and shiny!

You can’t see all the dirty, grimy, trashy, crap until you start digging around the inside.

In many ways, I guess…

My purse is just like me.

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4 thoughts on “What’s Really Inside My Purse

  1. Lili says:

    🙂 you’re not alone

  2. Yep. I will always remember the rare evening out, standing at the mirror in the ladies room in my new LBD. I reach in my beaded evening bag for my lipstick only to pull out a blue crayon. I smiled. On Mar 4, 2016 8:27 PM, “thebedfordwife” wrote:

    > thebedfordwife posted: “You know those magazine articles where they dump > out a celebrity’s purse and tell you what’s “really” in it? Theres a $34.00 > tube of lip stain, an essential oil rollerball, a sweet little notepad for > writing poetry on the go. And an organic flaxseed ener” >

  3. Katie Sawyer told me about your blog!!

    And, girl. This is so my life.
    So many crumbs all of the time, and I can’t remember ever putting food in there! Lol!

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