Grilled Cheese. Not Rocket Science

It wasn’t Burger King, so I’m not sure why I expected to have it my way.

But on a recent lunch outing to a popular deli chain (cough, Jason’s Deli, cough), I had a hankering for a grilled cheese and cup of tomato soup.

Me: Do you have a grilled cheese on the menu?

Deli Kid: No, unfortunately we don’t.

Me: Oh, bummer, well is there any way you could make one?

We’re talking about grilling… cheese, I thought.

Deli Kid: Um, sure I guess we could do that.

He said it with an uncomfortable amount of uncertainty.

Deli Kid: What would you like on it?

Me: Oh, just the cheese.

He scribbled some stuff on a little note pad.

Deli Kid: And what else?

Me:…just the cheese. Nothing else. Whatever kind of yellow cheese you have is fine. I’m not picky.

Deli Kid: If you could you just choose your cheese and bread from this list here please.

He hands over a list of 45 different artisan cheeses and breads.

Dammit Kid.

Me: Just cheddar and white bread, please. Or Italian. (Or whatever the hell you people call white bread around here.)

Deli Kid: Would you like it toasted?

The line behind me was growing. I could feel the collective breath of a dozen frustrated customers behind me.

I smiled, but the voice inside me was screaming.

In my head, I was grabbing at his collar and whisper-yelling in his pimply face. Have you never had a F@&KING GRILLED CHEESE BEFORE?!!!!

Maybe you were raised by wolves and your mother wolf never made you America’s iconic sandwich!!!????

Maybe JASON turned you into a BUMBLING DELI-BOT that can only follow protocol but can’t use your human BRAIN!!????

Let me help you out. There are two ingredients.

Processed yellow cheese. And buttered white bread.


Later, I realized this was just God’s way of telling me I should have ordered the salad bar. That if I was going to order a 750 calorie lunch, He was going to make it really, really. freaking. difficult.

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5 thoughts on “Grilled Cheese. Not Rocket Science

  1. Cheri Donohue says:

    You make me laugh out loud!!!

  2. Cheri D says:

    Seriously, your post came as I’m pulling a late night of meeting deadlines for volunteer jobs! I always take time to read them because I know that no matter what – I will find myself laughing out loud and my husband will get out of bed to ask what in the hell I find so funny all by myself at my computer! God – I need a grilled cheese sandwich right now – but you my dear are going to have to be my treat instead!

  3. Kelly says:

    LOL! I love grilled cheese too and don’t get why restaurant gurus think nobody over the age of 12 still eats it. Next time, go to Panera. They have it on the menu now! Thdy even have a fancy one with bacon, but I get the plain one. I love bacon and all, but there’s something to be said for the simple goodness of cheese and fried bread. And Panera make it easy to order an unhealthy lunch. “Would you like to add a bakery item with that for only 99 cents?” And I answer with the enthusiasm of a 4-year old, “*gasp* yespleasechocolatechipcookiethankyou!”

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