I Have Feelings for My iPhone. And Publix.

I used to be calm. Cool. Collected.

But something happened when I got pregnant, and I lost complete control of my emotions. (And my bladder. But that’s a whole other post.)

Anything sad, sweet or remotely HUMAN – and I become a hubbering, blubbering mess.

I have not watched a single movie since Colt’s birth that hasn’t made me hyperventilate.

I cried at The Hangover.

I think big marketing agencies recruit women like me.

Pregnant, postpartum, menopausal, hysterectomied women – any female suffering from hormonal imbalance.

Basically all of us.

They sit them together in an agency board room, feed them chocolate donuts and strap electrodes to their brains.

The latest company to employ this tactic was Apple. Have you seen the new iPhone commercial?

Every time I see it, my heart swells.

See what I mean?

See what I mean?

Perhaps it’s the dainty piano melody in the background. The warm lighting. The little girl in her bunny suit. The dancing silhouettes of children in a corn field.

For some reason this commercial makes me proud to have an iPhone.

Like I’m sooooooo glad I don’t have a Metro PCS phone, which could NEVER capture life’s magical moments the way the iPhone can.

Really.

They both do the same exact thing.

How about that Folger’s commercial from 5 years ago that they KEEP playing every Christmas?

You know that one where Peter comes home from Christmas, and HE’S the present?

Ugh. I’m getting choked up just writing about it.

And Publix?

Was Winn Dixie responsible for bringing family Christmas to that working doctor who couldn’t make it home?

No, that was Publix, and my loyalty remains.

My husband is cold and heartless. He watches these commercials and is completely unaffected.

“Do you have no soul?” I ask him as snot runs down my face…

He looks at me.

Like I’m bat shit crazy.

He must wonder, as do I, is this going to get worse with age?

Could I one day become overwhelmed by such products as… Miller High Life? Motor oil? Viagra?

I’m so glad…sniffle, sniffle, when the time is right…that man can have an erection…sniffle…sniffle…

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8 thoughts on “I Have Feelings for My iPhone. And Publix.

  1. mumtolachlan says:

    Fear not you’re not alone. Since I’ve had Lachlan I’m also a blubbering mess. Cry at the Kleenex puppy, cry nearly every episode of the news and yup those heart whelming commercials get me too…hubby just laughs at me ands says here come the waterfall again lol

    • OMG I can’t even watch the news – forget about it! Glad to know I’m not alone. Our poor husbands, haha!

      • mumtolachlan says:

        Lol…I think they are lucky that we are do full of love and compassion 🙂
        But I probably should buy done shares in a tissue company so I can get some benefit out of this sookiness since nearly 18 months in its not getting any better lol

  2. Okay, this must be a “Julie” thing because my stepmom is the same way. She cries about almost every commercial that comes one and anything else. I used to join in on the snickers but I have noticed that since having Clayte, I am much more emotional too!! My husband and son just look at me and laugh all the time!!

  3. andy mcdonald says:

    That is so true and soooo funny! Keep up the good work,i enjoy your rants very much! Very true to life because you are living it.i have 2 wonderful sons and my wife and yourself have the same views.thanks for making me laugh, again!

  4. I can relate! I always cry at the news and whenever I say grace at a family dinner!

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